The Rogue Voice


December 01, 2006

Letters and feedback

Sayin’ it like it is
Dear Mr. Franklin:
I have just read your anthem and I want to thank you, as a long-time bachelorette , for sayin’ like it is [“Bachelor’s anthem,” Nov. 2006]. Fortunately, I discovered the wonderfulness of Dog Friends a while back, and am glad you now have too, just like Norman. Unfortunately, I recently had to put my beloved Bernie down, but I still have his girlfriend, and we are recovering together. I was a psychiatric nurse for a long time, that’s another story, but I have found canines to be incredibly satisfying companions, which has created problems with males who simply do not understand what superior beings they are, or maybe they are just jealous.
Having come of age in the mid-‘60s, I am very disappointed that we didn’t figure out the male/female thing much better than previous generations, however there are many men and women out there who feel the same way you and I do. You would think we would have done better, but then look at our terrible lack of progress in both gender and racial problems—among others. I have been mostly single; I am branded as a difficult woman altho I certainly don’t really understand why. I am not confused, indeed I see the issues quite clearly, and I do believe that the young are crawling up on our backs and learning new ways. I certainly hope so.
Enough already, let’s get back to basics and forget all this quibbling. I think the male/female problems our culture is experiencing are just evolutionary, and that what is most sorely missing is a sense of humor at the absurdity of something so elemental. I can’t help but giggle when I hear people whine about the Opposite Sex. See, we are in trouble right there. We are not opposite, just wired differently. We all want the same thing; we are no different, really, from toddlers. Connection is hard; we have made it that way out of that nasty old thing called conditioning—we just can’t seem to conquer it. It just amazes me how jaded many people are, and despite how sophisticated they may think they are, they are not thinking of other human beings of different sex as truly human, let alone trustworthy.
I have been around the block about a zillion times, and the key to my survival as a loving being is my refusal to take no for an answer. If you don’t like me as a woman, well, too bad. I am a daughter, a sister, mother of a grown boy, friend to many men, and I love men and I see their confusion and I know it doesn’t have to be like this. I also see that our generation has indeed had an impact on the young ones, and it is mostly good. Progress is slow, but progress is progress.
It is all just so stupid. Where is the joy? Why do people deceive and hurt each other? Intellectually, I realize it is fear-based, but really, in the fabulous words of Rodney Allen King, “Can’t we all just get along?” My only idea of solution is to keep at it, and not let pain turn to apathy and withdrawal. Because that is no fun, and we only have a short ride in life. I am not a confused woman, and I am glad I have made my own way in this world; with a lot of help from my friends I get by, but I still sleep alone. And I don’t like it.


Still got my clothes on
Dear Dell:
While spending a stellar moment in a laundromat this morning, I came across the reprint of your article [“Bachelor’s anthem”] in the November Rogue Voice. All I can say is, “Well said.” I too am frustrated with dating at almost 60. I too have dogs (two)—there’s less emotional garbage to wade through with them. After 27 years of marriage to a “decent” (emotionally unavailable) man and raising two great kids, it’s my turn. Yahoo.
From my perspective, I do not understand why men go online saying they are “ready to find that someone.” They show interest in me, and then never answer in response to my returned interest. They can’t possibly know all my dysfunctions —they haven’t even asked me a question! And, Lord knows, I couldn’t have turned them off with the effects of gravity on this body—I’ve still got my clothes on! So, for now, it’s me and the dogs.


Step in the right direction
Dear Rogue Voice Readers:
Thank you to all who have written letters to the State Bar of California and to Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger stressing the injustice which has occurred to my father and me [“Trapped,” October 2006].
I’m pleased to inform you that the State Bar Client Security Fund Commission ruled unanimously in a final non-appealable decision on Nov. 16, 2006, to award my mother $24,350 as a result of the “gross misconduct” committed by our former appellate attorney Richard P. Dangler Jr. Dangler’s misconduct—filing our appeal 280 days past the one-year deadline established by the court—caused our appeal to be procedurally barred forever by the federal court.
The monetary judgment isn’t enough to hire a dream team of appellate lawyers, however, it is a step in the right direction towards convincing Gov. Schwarzenegger to grant us executive clemency, where we have no other legal remedy available.
Thanks so much for supporting my efforts towards freedom and for appreciating the monthly column, “Life in the Cage.”

Tito David Valdez Jr.


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